California Feminist Blogs

In January I blogged about an up and coming Latina teacher who was young, talented and ambitious. At the time she was sitting in my office, crying her little heart out because her principal and vice principal weren't helping her with her leadership potential or a leadership project that she had to complete for one of her classes.

I eventually had to intervene, and assisted with her to put in a couple of transfers to some other schools which would allow her to better develop her potential. I contacted two principals and told them that she was putting in a transfer to their sites and that I recommended her. I don't particularly care for one of the principals because she often tries to make herself seem like she is better or more knowledgeable than me. But it's not about my relationship with this lady, and I recommended this young teacher to transfer to her school because I have heard that she is pretty competent and I also think that she would be a good role model as a Latina manager.

About a week ago, I ran into the principal that I really don't care for and she said loudly in front of other managers, "I thought that you said Elisa (pseudonym) was the best of the best. Didn't you highly recommend her? Well, I just interviewed her". And she squinted her face.

"She has a lot of potential," I said.

"A lot of potential? I thought you said that you highly recommended her! I mean, she looked really well on paper, but her interview was another thing. Didn't you highly recommend her?" she asked.

I said, "What are you talking about? So she's shy-so what. She has a lot of potential and I thought that you would have appreciated that I recommended her to you". Our meeting suddenly began and so we stopped discussing the topic.

Today the young teacher made an appointment with me because she wanted feedback on a project that she is working on for her leadership class. At one point in the conversation, I asked, "So, what have been some unintended outcomes that you have learned as a result of the project? Have you learned anything specifically regarding your own personal development?"

And she started crying hysterically once again. She suddenly blurted out, "Everyone tries to make me feel stupid. Even the other day when I was at the interview with that principal, she was really intimidating and condescending to me. She talked down to me the entire time and I started thinking that what I was saying was stupid".

(Note to self: Don't ever, ever, ever, ever again put a fragile girl like this in a situation such as this. Why, why, oh why did you actually think that if this principal is insecure with you, that she wouldn't be insecure with another woman?)

The young teacher continued to try not to make herself cry, and she admitted that as a result of the environment that she has been in for two years at a certain school that she has now started to see a counselor. "That's good," I suggested. "We all need to talk to somebody".

But as our meeting went on, I began to understand that her difficulties are so much more than the simple explanation that her feelings are being hurt. In fact, she's being blocked and undermined everywhere she goes.

Her Latino family puts her down and makes her ambition into a joke at family functions. Many people in her extended family put her down for going to school, for getting multiple degrees and for wanting to be a leader. My advice to her? "Stop telling them things. Who gives a fuck what they think. Don't go around them much. Don't let them project their insecurities onto you".

Her next issue? She has been taught to respect authority as a Latina, and to feel Latina and Catholic guilt that I'm sure many Latina/os know exactly what I'm talking about. My advice: "I don't know what to tell you, girl. Stop being apologetic, and mimic what the white folk do and say, as well as how they act sometimes. They have no problem with being assertive.  Don't silence yourself. But you better recognize that what is labeled as assertive when a white person does it will be labeled as aggressive when coming from you. Just suck it up and don't let it bother you."

At the end of our meeting I told her, "You have a triple burden. You are an ambitious woman, so they will try to hold you back.  You are a Latina, so you will face racism. And you are also going to have to get shit from your very own family and Latino community, many of whom will try to put you down as well. You better learn to have nerves of steel".

So she went on her merry little way, quite happy and content. But all evening there has been a nagging feeling in my head that there are so many women out there who don't have support systems and mentors to help them achieve their full potential. If it's not that, it's the fact that they have men or family members in their lives who aren't pulling their weight and are holding them back from achieving their dreams.

Women of color have an even more uphill battle because they have to fight against all of the typical obstacles, as well as navigate in a system that is not responsive to diversity. We have to fight against the typical bullshit that all successful women have to face, but we're also have to fight against racism and bigotry. And we also sometimes have to fight against some of our own families and communities.

But we can all move forward if we continue to mentor one another and build one another up when the world is constantly trying to tear all of us down.

Is this what the governor of Arizona wore when she went to sign the immigration act that institutionalizes legal racial profiling against the Latino population? Or does she just wear this in her secret meetings? (Please feel free to post this pic to any of your blogs or social networks!)

I'm not here to fucking entertain anyone. I am not on twitter to fucking entertain anyone. I blog and play on twitter because quite frankly I have no inner monologue and am always tempted to just say whatever is on my mind.

I've always hated when other people act like it's my fucking job to entertain them. It's long been one of my pet peeves when people get into the "smile..it can't be that bad" type of crap with me. Ever since I was a little kid my mother used to get really mad at me when I didn't smile much in pictures. I can remember back as early as seven years old when my grandmother used to sarcastically whine, "Smiiiillleee" when she was taking my pictures. When I would force myself to smile, my mother would get mad because she said that it looked forced and it made it look as if I was constipated and sitting on a toilet.

Later when I got older, I can recall being in bars and men would constantly tell me to smmmmiiiiilllleee. Other than my mother and grandmother, it's mainly been men who feel that they can walk up to me and say, "Smile; it can't be that bad". I used to tolerate it, but now I smartassedly say, "Why, am I here to fucking entertain you?" That usually shuts them up.

I don't really care to smile, thank you very fucking much. 

I love to engage and speak with people online, and every once in a while I get a man who actually acts as if I am on this planet to fucking entertain him. In one of my alternative lives that one of my multiple personalities has lived, I have played in the online fetish scene and every once in a while I would get men who would love to tell me that I was not mean enough, not this enough, not that enough. As if I am on Earth to stand on a stage and act in a play for them.

Today on twitter I got a tweet from a man that said: you have competition on BITCHIEST TWIT from @SnobsandBitches and @Pfro. Have fun cat fighting girls!

And for some reason this message just pissed me the hell off. I am not accustomed to jumping into a catfight with another woman to apparently entertain a man. I don't appreciate ANY MAN who tries to pit women against one another. AND I most especially do not like being called a girl. Asshole.

One of the women responded and she said: My humble opinion,anyone such as @WickedBitch who lists 1,744 followers & claims to represent the personification of Wickedness, has a credibility issue.  

Um, okay, whoever the hell you are with your 22 followers. Frankly I don't give a fuck how many followers I have. I don't even follow people usually until they engage with me, because most people tend to follow me and sometimes don't understand what they are getting into. And...I'm not exactly sure where this dumb ass read that I am claiming the personification of wickedness. My name on twitter is WickedBitch, because I like the damn book "Wicked" and as a feminist I claim and own the term "Bitch". So, uh, whatever.

I'm not on a stage to fake being a bitch for anyone. Sometimes I am a mean, sadistic bitch. But other times I am a kind hearted person. So don't expect to snap your fingers and have me play bitch for you, dickheads.  

My second opinion on all of this is: I can't fucking stand women who pit themselves against other women. I mean, I will occasionally go after some right wing bitch after she has said something stupid, but that really is rare. About a week ago a right wing conservative bitch wrote something about liberals supporting late term abortions because they know that most babies aborted are black babies. So I beat the shit out of her verbally for saying something stupid like that. 

I am a damn feminist, and I tend to only bitch slap another woman if she truly needs it and deserves it. I can't stand women who are jealous little asses and who try to throw hardballs at other women. A big sign of insecurity, in my opinion.  


So the next man who thinks that he is going to get me to roll around and have a catfight with a woman for his entertainment, as if I am a damn naked mud wrestler, should just kiss my fucking ass in advance.

I think that in the past I might have mentioned that I am getting an award next week at work. If I didn't, well now you know. I've never been a person to really care about getting stuff like awards or recognition, because I have passion for what I do and I don't need anyone to recognize me for something that I am passionate about. It's just that I have had a really rough couple of months, and really a past horrible year practically, as all of this education crisis is just going to hell in a hand basket. So in a sense I feel that it is relieving to know that all the hell that I have been going through is at least recognized by someone.

I haven't really said anything to anyone about getting the award, because I am not the type of person to toot my own horn. The other day though my female colleague (who is equal and another manager in my department, and who actually used to be my mentor in my second or third year of teaching) found out that I was given the award from my boss. "I have never gotten an award", she whined to me. I mean, really, who says this kind of stuff to someone? I never have.

I mentioned to her that my boss has stated that she was given an award like five years ago. "That was a long time ago," she whined.

I just sat there and thought "Story of my life", because it just seems that far too many people in the workplace are too damn insecure and they always try to knock down successful women. 

She then went on to tell me that lately she has been considering moving up to another position, but wasn't sure if she would be able to move up without having done x, y, and z in her career. I said, "Why not? X (the boss) tells me all the time that they would pick us up in an instant if we applied to the job".

"He's never told me that," she said. Shit. I didn't even know what to say. I lied and said, "Well, he's told me that we both will get promoted if we apply".

Yesterday I presented with her to a couple of managers, and half way through the presentation it seemed like many of the other managers began to direct their questions and comments towards me. I began to wonder if I was too dominant, so I actually sat down at some points because I thought that it would put attention on her when she was presenting. However, some of the managers even turned around in their seats to talk with me and ask questions throughout the meeting.

I can't help it if I am confident with myself and my presentation skills, while she stands up there with notes in her hand and paces nervously back and forth. Am I supposed to feel guilty that I have internalized what we are presenting and that I don't require notes?

Today she came up to me and said that she didn't appreciate that the managers were talking to me, and not to her. Here we go again.

Then, this morning my boss called me in and told me that they would be putting me on an important committee and that I needed to stay late after our management meeting to discuss the details. During our meeting, she walked up to us and asked me, "What is this meeting? Why am I not invited?" Uh.

After the meeting, I went to my boss and asked why she wasn't involved. He shrugged and said that they didn't choose her to work on the project. I opened my mouth to tell him that I didn't think that it was fair and I was about to ask him if he could pull some strings to get her involved, but then I decided against it because honestly it is not my responsibility to have someone included in something, especially someone who is acting so insecure.

I talked to my boss about the past couple of weeks, and I told him about how I had mentioned to her that he always encourages us to apply for a promotion. "I don't tell her that," he said and just stared at me.

On my way driving home I felt bad for her and I almost called my boss to ask if he could get her included in the project, but I had to stop myself from doing so. Why the hell am I feeling guilty because I bust my ass and work had to be good at what I do??

Honestly, I don't know what my point is. I just feel frustrated because I hate when my colleagues begin to become insecure around me. This is what has been happening over the past couple of years--it seems that I begin to outgrow some of my colleagues and the majority of them respond in an insecure way. I literally used to stifle my talent because I hated the way that insecure people act, and I never want to be accused of being full of myself. It's a fine line between being humble and actually dulling your brilliance, though. I'm getting tired of stifling myself and holding myself back because other people can't handle it.

I'm not going to hold myself back anymore. I suppose that this is why they say that it is lonely at the top. Is this how it will always be, or am I in a toxic environment? Are people always insecure by the success of other people?

Today I had the pleasure of being introduced to Elle Mehrmand and Micha Cárdenas, two local lesbian performance artists who identify as transreal (their identities are not confined to one concept of reality). That being said, they perform in Second Life in addition to performing the "traditional" way. There's nothing traditional about their performances, however. They talked about wanting to create, rather than new pieces of art, new forms of art to communicate their messages more effectively. Their performances force the audience to confront issues of the body, gender, sexuality and how those issues relate to reality and the concept of identity.

For instance, in the following piece titled "technésexual" from their Mixed Relations project together they rigged an electrocardiogram to amplify the sounds of their heartbeats for their live audience as well as their audiences in Second Life. Micha talked about the Second Life aspect of it being a kind of response to Stelarc's claim that avatars do not have organs. The fact that the avatars they've created look semi-animal, semi-human and definitely neither man nor woman is a way they can express a kind of sexuality that a binary gender presentation does not convey!

technesexual excerpt // Duke University // Micha Cárdenas and Elle Mehrmand from azdel slade on Vimeo.

Another outstanding piece from Mixed Relations was called slapshock. For this one they constructed another gadget that worked so that every time one of them slapped themselves, the other one would feel a slight electromagnetic shock. I thought it was a great commentary on how closely linked your identity becomes with someone else's when you're in a relationship together. They also mentioned it being somewhat of a critique on the medical field, which has been known to kind of go nuts (to put it lightly) with electroshock therapy on trans patients as well as the rest of the LGBTQ community and women.

slapshock from elle & djlotu5 on Vimeo.

In addition to their work together Elle and Micha both have blogs featuring more artwork. One of my favorites on Elle's is a shot taken from a masturbation performance she did at school. Apparently she invited some of the student/faculty body to watch her masturbate through a peephole. This peephole was hooked up to a camera which was filming her in B&W film (to give the whole piece a kind of vintage peep show feel). She masturbated with a Wii-mote which was rigged to some kind of amplifier which reverberated her moans as she moved it.

& Micha is also one of the four main developers of the Transborder Immigrant Tool, which has opened up a lot of dialogue about border issues as well as created life-saving technology for immigrants trying to cross the border (and has no doubt placed them under surveillance). Amazing!

I'm positively in love with these two so if you kinda trust me please take a few minutes out of your day to check them out. There are so many projects and links on both of their blogs and Wikipedia that you're bound to be really impressed with at least a few of them.

Elle's blog

Micha's blog

A few days ago Britney Spears published unretouched photos of herself from a Candie's ad in an attempt to "highlight the pressure exerted on women to look perfect" (Daily Mail). It seems to be somewhat of a new trend in Hollywood, with Kim Kardashian and Jessica Simpson also publishing unretouched photos recently, but I'm not complaining! It's a vast improvement from anorexia, cocaine, DUIs and crotch shots.


What bothers me about these photos is what they choose to "fix" from the before shot to the after. They have made Britney not only thinner (her legs in the after shot are unbelievably twiggy) but they've actually airbrushed any muscular definition out of the photo and lightened her skin tone. It's interesting to me that time and time again in the media, women are discouraged from looking too strong. Why do we have to look like we couldn't defend ourselves if need be to be sexy? They've also made Kim lighter and thinner and removed the veins on her leg from the photograph, highlighting the racial and weight-based prejudice that still exists in our country.

Jessica Simpson posed for the May issue of Marie Claire sans makeup and retouching. People have been questioning if she's really sans makeup or not, but either way the photos tend to obstruct her face with her hair, showing that sans makeup is still not totally acceptable for a cover girl.

So I want to know what you think. These women haven't been the best role models for girls thus far; Britney has reaffirmed infantalized beauty norms, Kim has promoted bourgeois airhead culture and Jessica and her bible-thumping stage dad have provided an equally problematic "alternate" version of female pop-stardom--the hypersexualized virgin. However, I'm pretty pleased with this new trend. I understand the risk of Hollywood incorporating feminist or pro-woman beliefs/rhetoric and subsequently discounting them but this message speaks to women's concerns about unrealistic beauty standards. These famous women (or their managing teams) are either saying "We've had it up to here with the ridiculous emphasis on beauty for women in this country" or "It's cool now to stop stressing about how you look." In both cases, women are being encouraged to loosen up when it comes to looking perfect. The difference in the social climate is noticeable from 2006 when Mary-Kate Olsen's Church of Anorexia was booming in followers and celebrity crotch shots were in high demand. Even Jessica Simpson, who's otherwise been vocally proud of her Coke bottle curves, looked significantly thinner.

Jumping on trend bandwagons without thinking about the personal and social implications is never a good thing but it's unrealistic to think that all women critically examine media influx. At least this trend of loosening up on the idea of physical perfection can introduce or foster feminist ideas to a lot of women who may or may not identify as feminists. And it could be the beginning of a long overdue media "makeunder" that may free a lot of girls and women up to spend more time exercising agency and less time being objects. Only time will tell, but for now I'm pleased with the slight turn the spectacle has taken.

Last week, University of San Diego LSRJ lured over 120 people to our last event of the semester with a sultry title, Chipotle, and a raffle for chocolate body paint, but the attendees stayed for a substantive conversation about the evolution and limitations of the constitutional “right to privacy.”

The split between the 5^th and 11^th Circuits over Lawrence v. Texas’ application to the sale and promotion of sex toys spawned “My Body, My Bedroom.”  Whereas the 11^th Circuit ruled in Williams v. Attorney General of Alabama, 378 F.3d 1232 (5th Cir. 2004), that Lawrence does not protect the sale of sex toys, the 5^th Circuit examined the question in Reliable Consultants, Inc. v. Earle, 517 F.3d 738 (11th Cir. 2008), and came to the opposite conclusion.

So the new health care bill passed March 22, which is good in the sense that it is supposed to provide health coverage to an estimated 32 million additional Americans. For women this means that the health care reform bill would extend health care coverage to millions of women & families, would protect women against gender discrimination, would guarantee access to breast and cervical cancer screenings, would increase insurance coverage of reproductive health care (including family planning) and would end the practice of dropping coverage because of pre-existing conditions. Sounds great, right?

But! a fanatical Catholic Democrat in Congress, Bart Stupak, and his group of loony pro-life Dems' signatures were needed to pass the bill...and they would only agree if an Executive Order was signed immediately after that would include unacceptable new restrictions on PRIVATE coverage for abortion.

What the Stupak provision states is that not only can women forget about federal funding for abortions but millions of women would lose private coverage for abortion services and millions more would be prohibited from buying them with their own money! If this amendment is not fixed millions of women will lose benefits that they CURRENTLY HAVE and millions more will be PROHIBITED from getting the kind of private health coverage that most women have today. This is called regression and it's disgusting that it's being snuck into law under the guise of progress.

And don't be fooled by the Stupak amendment's claim that women will be allowed to purchase separate, single-service “abortion riders” because...abortion riders don’t exist! In the five states that allow abortion coverage through a separate rider, it is not available in the individual market. Here's what Planned Parenthood has to say about abortion riders and the Stupak amendment in general:

"In the five states that only allow abortion coverage through a separate rider, there is no evidence that they are available in the individual market. Furthermore, women are unlikely to think ahead to choose a plan that includes abortion coverage, since they do not plan for unplanned pregnancy. In addition, it is not clear that health plans would even be allowed to offer two separate plans under other provisions of the act, such as guaranteed-issue provisions. Those elements of the bill, which are very important to consumers, may make it impossible for plans to provide two separate plans, one that includes abortion and another that does not. Realistically, the actual effect of the Stupak amendment is to ban abortion coverage across the entire exchange, for women with both subsidized and unsubsidized coverage." (emphasis mine)

Feminists now need to band together and make sure that something is done about the Stupak amendment. I know I won't stand for it, especially when federal coverage is provided for abortions in almost every other First-World country. Also it KIND OF pisses me off that in order for "the people" to progress, the women's health movement must regress. So who are "the people" anyway?

Also, check out this video of Hilary Clinton's views on reproductive health in America. It makes you wonder if things would've been different if she had won in 2008.

First and foremost, I have to apologize if anything that I say sounds jumbled and nonsensical, as I just so happen to be intoxicated at the moment. What better thought while inebriated than the uncontrollable urge to blog something, right? We'll see when I'm sober tomorrow.

I've been sitting here and thoughts are quickly swirling of the two separate work and private lives that I maintain. Swirling around and back and forth so much that my head is starting to feel dizzy and confused. And my soul feels deeply sad and depressed.

I feel like I am split into competing parts of my whole.

And one of the main questions that has been incessantly beating at the back of my brain this afternoon is... why is it that one part of who I am is disparaged and ridiculed in one situation while the same part of myself is admired and celebrated in another context?

For example, I am the type of woman who is verbally uninhibited and I tend to typically say whatever it is that I am truly thinking at the moment. This is sometimes admired in the workplace by some people, but generally speaking it has been more of a flaw or burden that I've had to endure. People try to suppress my outspokenness and I have had to face sometimes almost unbearable obstacles because I just can't learn to keep my damn mouth shut.

However, when I am in the online context or in personal life with close friends, my outspokenness and verbal inhibition are embraced. The same crazy thing that I said that offended people in one context cause other people to laugh in another context. And my private self is so much more important to me, and I sometimes yearn to live this sense of myself every single day and in every single context.

I've sometimes questioned as to whether I allow people to silence or censor me in the workplace. After careful thought though I've come to the conclusion that most people in my work context don't even deserve to see who I really am in my core. Maybe I really only want to go so far with them, and reserve who I really am for people like you who are in my private life.

So what the fuck is my point?

I've blogged in the past about this lady at work who is driving me absolutely crazy. For years she was used to running the show and people rarely questioned her at the time. Ever since I first met her, she tried to initially be nice to me (when I was not at her level) but I always sensed that she did not like me one bit.

I've already blogged about how a couple of months ago she left me out of important meetings, and when all hell broke loose with an issue I had to email her for clarification. You can read about it on my post "Confessions of an Office Politics Queen". She put me on email blast that all the other managers were doing their job, and I simply wasn't because I wasn't at a series of important meeting. So I blasted her back, telling everyone including her boss that I didn't appreciate that she was saying that I wasn't doing my job, and I would have loved to have participated in the project if she would have invited me to the damn thing.

After my confrontation with her, she's been kissing my ass. But I'm not stupid, and I know that she is just counting her days until she can undermine and discredit me in one way or the other. Ever since I had the smack down with her, we have both butted heads in a project that I am working on and she has actually won a few of the battles because I decided that I am going to try to be strategic and only fight certain battles. And hopefully she will start to think that I am weak and not as politically savvy as I am. I am much younger than her, and I know that sometimes she thinks that I am so much more naive than I really am.

Right after our fight, I started to notice that a few of her employees began to talk to me very disrespectfully. I immediately noticed it and initially was going to give them a smack down too, but I decided that they are little pissants and so why bother even wasting any energy on them. Some of my employees started to notice and began to get bothered. I'll admit that when it first started happening that I was as pissed as hell, but then I decided that it is just indicative of the fact that she is talking bad about me to her employees.

This situation has made it very difficult for me at work over the past couple of months. She is pretty savvy and is being very strategic in trying to discredit me. So sometimes I have been a little worried, but I just have to trust in my instincts that if I play stupid for enough time then she will slip up and seriously underestimate me.

The other day she included me in an important meeting for this coming Tuesday. Oh, yay, great-I thought that we were finally making progress since we all had to have someone meet with us as an mediator to talk about how everyone needs to coordinate all of the managers' schedules so that all stakeholders are present at certain meetings. So she booked me and other managers in my department for an important meeting.

But THEN suddenly yesterday she sent an email to everyone else that she was going to have a very important meeting on the same date and that it was imperative that key personnel were there. And it is a very important meeting, where important decisions will be made. And SHE is the person who scheduled all of the managers in my department for another meeting on the very same day. This bitch is savvy, and she knows exactly what she is doing-acting like we have a scheduling conflict so that she can push her agenda through while we are not there.

I sent her an email stating that since managers in my department are "key personnel" that we should also be included in the meeting and that her meeting should be rescheduled since there is a scheduling conflict. I received no response.

So I have had it hasta la madre (up to HERE!). This bitch is so smart, and so savvy, yet one flaw about her is that I think that she might be seriously underestimating ME. Sometimes I am so frustrated how she talks to me and acts as if I am stupid, but I've got to learn to redirect my frustration and encourage her to continue to underestimate me. Because she has yet to see that I am truly capable of pulling off an undercover smackdown of epic proportions.

What is so frustrating to me though is that she is so smart that I suspect that she dupes our superiors as to what a big asshole she is. I actually think that some people might suspect that she is very nice, kind, and inclusive. So I have to brainstorm a way that I can expose her to our superiors, without seeming like I am a whiny person or a malcontent. That is going to be a very difficult balancing act.

This weekend I will be plotting, planning and strategizing as to how I am going to pull this off. I am going to go about this the professional way, but I also have plotted a diabolically unethical plan that sooner or later I might have to utilize. I am going to use it as my last resort (and trust me, it is taking all my energy not to enact this plan because it is sooooo delicious).